| TWO // older + wiser |
[ 3rd Feb 4 am ] |
So another year passes, and I'm left to sit here wondering how much I've gained from it. Money. Sure, anyone and everyone can gain money. Success. While I can't take that for granted, I've been steadily on track as the year has progressed and then some. Wisdom. There is something to embrace. I can't say I know what's in store for me 10, hell even 30 years from now. I can say that I have learned alot in the past year. 27, an age to ponder. You're no longer a young thing anymore. Shit, I look at Chris Brown and sit here feeling like I'm 80 all of a sudden. 25, was a year to mark, as everyone so likes to taunt "a quarter of a century old". If that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what will. 27, means 3 more years to the big 3-0. I'm not going to push it to the future because, I have no idea what's in store for me, or what challenges I'll have to cross by that time. I'm living in the present. But the gift I have of that is learning from the mistakes I've made in the past. Trust. Something I had too much of growing up. Sure, it's fantastic to trust people. It's also a rude awakening when you discover that the person you put your faith and trust into, has betrayed you. I've had to learn to find a middle ground with that. Easier said than done. You can't trust everyone, but you can't shut the world off with the snap of your fingers either. You have to use your better judgement to figure out whom is worthy of that privilege. It's so easy for people to throw themselves at you. Everyone, wants to be surrounded by you when you're successful. Does that alone define success? Not a shot in hell. Money grubbers are what I call them. The women that want to throw themselves at you for your name. The guys that wanna buy you a bottle of JD and call you their best friend. They truely know nothing about you, and the sad part is, none of them care to know anything about you. So long as they are in it for the free ride. It's all gravy. Well, I've learned that I can't surround myself with those sort of people in my life. I don't have time and I don't have the emotion in me to allow it. So as I've learned and been burnt by those I thought and truely felt I could put my trust into, it's ok to observe before embracing someone.
Love. This is a touchy subject for me. So I won't go into too much detail. With love comes trust, if there is no trust. There is no relationship. I've been burned, far more than I care to elaborate. You'd think someone in my position wouldn't have trouble finding someone suitable right? Guess again. It's twice as hard when you're in the position of being on the road so often and being surrounded by women as often as I am to find someone to tailor to my lifestyle and needs. I've put my good faith into girls I felt I could love with my whole heart, and learned that sometimes, that's not always the best thing to do. If you fall, you can't control how hard. I could be that guy that sleeps with someone every other night. I could be that guy that bags a supermodel whenever he wants. Arrogance? No. Truth? Yes. Would I care to be in that position? Not hardly. See, when I fall, I fall hard. I'm a true Southerner to the heart. I was raised to understand that you treat women the way you would treat your momma. My momma is the one woman in the world that I will love more than anything. She's been there for me when nobody has. She's supported me when others doubted me. Someday, I know in my heart there will be another woman to fill those shoes, am I ready for that? I can't answer that right now. But when the time comes. I'll get back on this topic.
Friendships. This could be another touchy subject but not so much as the previous. The saying is the one's that you love the most will hurt you the most. While this is true for love, I believe it's even more so for friendships. You see, I believe when you're under pressure, or under any sort of stress, it's extremely easy to take it out on the people you're closest to. Yet, we all take it for granted that those you surround yourself with will forgive you on any account. I've gained and lost. So much as everyone else in this world has. Would you forgive someone that betrayed you? I suppose it depends on the siutation and the person involved. It's very easy for anyone to blurt "no" at that question. But if you think about the person, and how long you've known them, and how much you love them. The answer to that could be different from what you believe you'd reply with. Trace and I have been to hell and back. We've gone so far as to rip each other a new asshole and go weeks without speaking. To being inseperable. People like that are hard to lose, and people like that are much easier to forgive than to forget. But if you allow someone new into your life, that changes the perspective. It's so easy to kick someone like that out of your life without giving them a second chance to prove what kind of person they are. Why? Because if they aren't a sigificant part of you're life, it's easier to let them go and replace them with someone else. There are no feelings or emotions attached. Is it right? Well, that's another answer that I can't give. I've had friends that I thought I could trust do me wrong. I've had to let go of some, and decided to allow others the chance to redeem themselves. It all falls on the moment of judgement.
So now to focus and analyze myself. I'm comfortable with myself. I'm confident with myself. I've grown to love the person I am. Flaws and all. I think it's easier to learn and grow and make better decisions for a healthier lifestyle if you are aware of yourself and your faults. You can't learn from anything if you don't make mistakes. If you don't learn from your mistakes, then you've lived your life in vain. Now, I'm not going to go all spiritual on everyone and make everyone sweat. But it's ok to step outside your comfort zone and experience the endless boundaries life has to offer. So, with that said. Here's to another year of health and happiness, and may 28 bring so much more.
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